


Of Paintings and Pining

by Queenie18



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec Lightwood Dies, Angst, Angst and Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dead Alec Lightwood, He does drown, Immortal Magnus Bane, M/M, MerMay, Merman magnus, Mortal Alec Lightwood, Mundane Alec Lightwood, Mutual Pining, Pining, mermaid au, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24320284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenie18/pseuds/Queenie18
Summary: Because in the end, Magnus belonged to the sea and Alec was destined to live on land. And though he wanted to kiss Magnus and understand how to love him, he couldn’t. They were living on borrowed time.—Malec Mermaid AU.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Lydia Branwell (mentioned), Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 26
Kudos: 89





	Of Paintings and Pining

**Author's Note:**

> *Mentions of drowning, you’ve been warned*

There was something so beautiful about the sea at night.

Alec smiled softly as he watched the waves lap lazily on the beach. His feet were close enough to be nipped, as he sat on the warm sand and simply just stared.

This beach was special to him.

When he was younger, and struggling, he had come here to find inspiration. And he had left the beach with something better.

Alec looked down at his hand. It was spotted, aged and wrinkled. His hair had long turned white and fragile, and he could barely hold a paintbrush anymore. That hurt. Painting was his form of escape, and his arthritis meant it was near impossible.

He was so tired these days.

Alec hummed under his breath as the moonlight glimmered over the sea, like a thousand shards of starlight. The rocking rhythm of the waves lulled him into an almost trance like state. He was warm, he was safe, he was at peace.

If he imagined hard enough, Alec could almost pretend he would see a golden tail and breathtaking cat’s eyes. They had haunted him in life, in his oil paintings. In every gallery, every waking thought. Someone so effortlessly beautiful and yet impossible.

“Magnus.” He whispered under his breath.

Sometimes he wondered whether he imagined him. When he struggled with depression, or his family - all it took was a dream and everything was almost okay. People saw him in his paintings and wondered where his imagination had come from. Alec forgot how many people he had told that he was real.

He reached out and palmed the water.

He missed him.

He had always missed him.

And yet, he came back here - year after year - waiting for someone who would never come.

“Do you think of me too?” He asked the water. “Do I haunt you?”

He smiled and shuffled closer, the water dragging through his expensive trousers. Alec was still dressed in the suit he wore to his niece’s wedding. Seeing his sister crying in her wheelchair, as her daughter danced hand in hand with her wife - Alec had been filled with an agonising emptiness. He had taken the first plane and had come here without even thinking about it.

Alec felt a tear escape. “You ruined me for anyone else. You showed me my heart and you took it.”

The waves continued their cycle. There was no one else there.

“I forgive you.” Alec murmured. “I forgive, my love.”

  
———

  
_Alec tossed the paintbrushes to the side. Who was he fooling? He couldn’t get into art school, everyone expected him to become a lawyer like his parents._

_After Max, he had been feeling so lost. His brother with his gentle smiles, loud laughs and small hands that Alec could take in a single palm. And now his memory was tarnished by the sounds of hospital beeps and the sickening paleness of light blue lips._

_He couldn’t paint a single colour._

_Shaking his head, Alec stormed out of the small cabin and stood by the sea. It was boiling today, his body already sweating and the heat prickled down his back and shoulders._

_Alec was just standing there when he heard an inhuman groan coming from the cove just a few meters away. He walked there swiftly but carefully, steeping along the line where the waves met the sand so not to burn his feet._

_When he breached the trees and rocks - his breath left him in awe._

_There was a man there. He was about Alec’s age with smooth, almost slimy silken golden skin. He was muscled, but not overly so - more willowy and lean. And his hair was inky black, but shiny enough that Alec had the urge to run his hands over it to see whether it was as soft as it looked._

_But then his eyes caught in the man’s bottom half._

_And there was a tail. Not legs. But a stunning, glimmering golden tail that shone as though it was caped in glitter. He blinked and took in the gills on his neck, the weird lumps on his spine, almost black._

_Then he let out another noise. A high, whining noise and Alec immediately ran to kneel by him with trembling hands. He noticed a fishing hook, the thing quite obscenely large, caught in the fins of his tail._

_Alec had to help him. He wasn’t sure why, but there was something about this beautiful man - no merman - that had his heart beating faster._

_“It’s okay.” Alec spoke softly to him, placing his hands in the smooth slide of his scales. “Stay calm. I’m going to help you.”_

_The man groaned quietly and Alec took that as an agreement as he shuffled until he was close enough to the tail. It was large, about the size of his upper body and strangely almost transparent - like stained glass._

_He took a deep breath and took the hook in his hand._

_The man trembled and Alec placed his other hand on the scales to comfort him. “It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.”_

_He wasn’t sure if the man understood him. But he held down the tail with some force and slowly meandered the hook out, weaving it through the muscles and thin transparent-like skin. The man was moaning under his breath, a sort of squeak and Alec kept his words calm and soothing as he pulled the hook free._

_After a while, he succeed and threw the ghastly thing away with a grimace._

_He sat there and waited till the man finally shuffled and faced him._

_When his eyes opened, Alec wondered whether he was gifted to him to bring inspiration._

_They were golden green and like a cat’s. Alec had never seen something so impossible but beautiful. He an urge to drag his finger under the skin of them, to admire and worship like a star he man._

_The merman watched him with a carefully blank face._

_“Thank you.” He said with a velvety soft voice._

_Alec grinned at him, the first time since Max had died. He reached out and held his hand out for the man to take._

_“It’s no problem.” He promised. “I’m Alexander, but call me Alec.”_

_The man took his hand, his palm soft and cool. “Magnus.”_

  
———

  
_Alec laughed as Magnus flipped his tail above the water then rose seconds later with a smug smirk._

_“Show off!” Alec called from where he sat and painted._

_On his campus was Magnus, laid out on the sand so his entire tail and body was on display. Alec painted him with desperation, wanting to get every line of his body, every scale. Beyond him, Magnus was playing in the waves, celebrating his tail finally being healed._

_“Play with me.” Magnus said, drifting closer to where Alec sat. “Come on, Alexander.”_

_A shiver went through him. It shouldn’t but it did. Magnus spoke his name like a whispered caress between lovers. It made Alec’s heart squeeze just ever so slightly, as each word surrendered it to Magnus just more._

_He wanted this man, this merman, unlike anyone before._

_Alec sighed and dropped the painting in the sand. He crawled toward Magnus with a glare as the other man giggled and dropped back into the sea._

_When he joined him, Magnus rushed up and held Alec in his arms, his hands resting on Alec’s back. They swam there peacefully for awhile, just content to tread water together. It allowed Alec to admire Magnus’ face, and his gentle smile without looking creepy._

_“What are you thinking about?” Magnus asked._

_Alec smiled softly. “You.”_

_Magnus pursed his lips open and then he grinned widely, his teeth showing as he watched Alec with something alike to awe._

_“You continue to surprise me Alexander.”_

_Alec tilted his head. “In good ways, I hope.”_

_Magnus reached out and placed his hand against Alec’s neck. “In the best ways.”_

  
———

  
_“Do you miss them?” Magnus said as they laid together. “Your family?”_

_Alec hummed and turned so he was facing Magnus. Three months he had been here, and it wasn’t enough. He imagined it would never be enough. He wanted, and he desired._

_“Sometimes.” Alec replied, and shrugged a shoulder. “But they are happy, and so am I.”_

_Magnus sometimes looked at him with a consideration. Like now. It was as though Alec was something he didn’t understand, but wanted to._

_“Do you have a family?” Alec said in the silence between them._

_Magnus moved his head till it rested on Alec’s chest. “Not blood, like you. But my pod, my people are my family. You would like them, and they would like you.”_

_If we could met, was left unsaid._

_Because in the end, Magnus belonged to the sea and Alec was destined to live on land. And though he wanted to kiss Magnus and understand how to love him, he couldn’t. They were living on borrowed time._

_It had always been borrowed time._

_But he was selfish to want more._

_“I think you would love my sister.” Alec murmured as he played with Magnus’ hair. “You’re like her in a lot of ways.”_

———

_Alec reached and held Magnus’ face in his palms, the skin rough against the silky softness of Magnus’._

_Those cat’s eyes gleamed at him, shining with happiness and something softer but more intense - the sight stealing Alec’s breath._

_He moved forward, scanning his face until their lips were close to touch._

_“Please.” Alec heard Magnus whisper._

_He leant that bit further and kissed him, not softly but with passion and burning strength. Every part of him was Magnus, those silky hands running down his back, his mouth moving so perfectly against Alec’s. Then there was tongue, a careful nip and something inside Alec that had died right beside his brother, finally woke again._

_His body, his mind, his heart - it was all Magnus’._

_His legs curled around Magnus’ tail until not one part of them didn’t touch. It was overwhelming in the best way possible and Alec felt as though he was coming home. Those lips were cool but firm, his searching hands sending goosebumps up his body._

_When they parted, Alec looked into those eyes and knew, without a doubt, that he was in love._

_He loved Magnus. Completely and fully._

———

_“You’re immortal?” Alec said, his heart breaking when Magnus swam slowly in the ocean._

_His painting, now finished, laid there by him as Alec watched the man he loved put a distance between them._

_“How old?” Alec started and his hands were trembling. “How old are you?”_

_Magnus frowned. “Over four centuries, at least.”_

_Oh._

_Alec squeezed his eyes shut. He knew they were different. He knew he couldn’t love Magnus forever. But he had wanted to. He thought they could age together. Just that one thing they could have shared when everything was too separated._

_He had been so wrong._

_“So what was I?” Alec said harshly. “Just a passing game? Fool the stupid mortal who saved you?”_

_Magnus gasped and pulled his body closer to Alec, his scales glimmering with droplets of water._

_“No, no, no. Never. You’re not a game, Alexander. Never. Not to me.”_

_Alec smiled without any feeling behind it._

_“Are we too different?” Alec asked to the air, to the sea. “Are we destined to always have something separating us?”_

_Magnus stared at him with pity but said nothing._

———

_Someone had found his paintings. And they were willing to buy them for an expedition, for a lot of money._

_Alec stared at the sea. He hadn’t seen Magnus today. He was dressed in jeans and a shirt as he waited for his love to come. But he didn’t know what to do._

_Does he take the offer that was once he life’s dream?_

_Or does he stay here, with Magnus, and age when the man he loved just waited for him to die?_

_His traitorous heart knew the answer._

_When Magnus finally came, there was a wide grin on his face as he pushed through the waves. He came to rest his body next to where Alec had finally sat, his tail shining in the sunlight. He tilted his head up in expectance and Alec leant down to kiss him chastely on the lips._

_He wanted to stay here, in their small paradise they had created in the last six months. But there was a life, his family waiting for him._

_They never had forever._

_“What’s wrong, Alexander?” Magnus asked, his hand resting at Alec’s chest, as though imprinting his mark onto him._

_Alec wanted to say he never needed to do that. He was always going to be Magnus’ until the day he died._

_“I have to go.” Alec whispered. “I have to go back there.”_

_Not home. Because it wasn’t anymore. Hadn’t been since Magnus opened his eyes and made Alec feel alive again._

_Magnus’ smile disappeared and he seemed to curl up into himself as he watched Alec with no expression. And it killed Alec, made his miserable heart rot._

_“Oh.” Magnus mumbled. “You’re leaving?”_

_Alec winced. “Yes. My family, I, I, my life. I can’t leave it.”_

_Magnus nodded and let go of Alec as he stretched. Alec couldn’t read him, couldn’t see anything in those telling cat’s eyes. He had lost him._

_Alec wanted to cry._

_“I’ll come back.” Alec promised as he watched Magnus try to return to the sea. “I’ll be here, in a year, if you still want me.”_

_Magnus said nothing._

_Alec watched with tears in his eyes as the man he loved started to disappear amongst the waves. Somehow, he knew this was the last time he would see him. And he wanted to memorise how he moved, how he smiled and loved._

_Before Magnus completely swam away from him, his life - he said something to him._

_“I love you.”_

_Magnus looked back. And his face crumbled and he whined a high pitched noise and was gone._

_Alec sobbed and collapsed to his knees and an agony squeezed his heart._

_Magnus didn’t say it back._

———

_“Who inspired the painting?” Someone asked, drinking a glass of champagne._

_Alec smiled politely as he stared at where his painting rested in London’s Tate, a crowd gathered around it with chatter and awe in their voices._

_There, in the brush strokes, was Magnus. He was curled around a rock, his tail still dripping as he stared with no smile, no laughter in his eyes. He held the fish hook in his hand, his eyes daring in the musk of night. It was cold, deadly and spoke of heartbreak in the oil colours._

_Alec had painted it as he nursed his broken heart._

_He named it ‘The Man Waiting’._

_“I was in love.” Alec said simply. “And then I broke my heart. This was the product.”_

_The man nodded in understanding. Alec never expected to be admired as an artist. He never imagine that Magnus would inspire a whole movement of passion and love in the art community. But he had._

_Alec’s entire career was Magnus. And he was in every painting, every brushstroke._

_It was like painting heartbreak._

_“You should be very proud.” The man spoke again._

_Alec didn’t smile this time. “I am.”_

_But he didn’t feel like it._

  
———

  
He never came back.

Alec came back, heart on his sleeves and waited, for so long.

But he never saw Magnus again.

Some years he just sat there and cried in mourning. He felt as though he died that day he left Magnus. And maybe he had. Maybe Magnus had taken his heart so strongly, it was as though he couldn’t live without him.

Other years Izzy came with him. She stood with him, and held his hand as he waited like a fool.

She asked once, with a soft voice, who are you waiting for? Alec had just smiled and touched his heart where it thundered, waiting for its match.

And then, there were many years when he painted and painted, overcome with memories and hopes and desires and dreams. He painted soft golden scales, green cat’s eyes and skin soft like silk. He painted their hands together, Magnus lying there in an early afternoon doze. And though he never saw him, he was so ingrained in his mind, every curve and flaw was so strong Alec never needed him there.

After twenty years, Alec married. And then he came back with longer breaks, no longer years but decades. And Magnus never showed. His wife was good to him, and he loved her in some way.

But Magnus still stubbornly had his heart. And he was drowning without him.

As the years slipped away, and Alec started to slump, and his back started to ache - he wondered whether the immortal, beautiful Magnus ever thought of him. Did he remember the mortal he once loved? Did he dream of Alec’s eyes, or his hands, or his legs.

Or was he simply just a passing lover in a sea of stunning people like him.

Alec had aged, withered and became ugly and forgettable when Magnus danced amongst people like him, so perfect and stunning.

And here he was.

At ninety one, Alec had lived far longer than he expected. And he had a good life, mostly. He had his family, Lydia and his children. He was happy.

But as he stared at the night and the sparkling sea, he wanted more.

“Are you waiting for me?” Alec asked the ocean, waiting for an answer that would never come.

He smiled and stood on shaking knees and a wince for his lower back. But there was no hesitation in his mind, in his heart.

He took a single step.

The ocean was cool, a steady firmness against his feet as he took more steps. Alec was thankful for his life, at the memories he would cherish and worship. But he was ready now. He was ready to die in the place he had found his love.

“I’m coming.” He promised.

His suit held him down but he kept going. The water came to his knees, then his chest, then his face.

And when he was fully submerged, Alec just let himself sink down - weighted by his clothes. There was a burning in his chest, a sharp pain in his eyes, his lungs. But he could barely register it.

If he was going to die, he would do it here - where Magnus rested. It was as though he was finally reuniting with him.

Alec chocked as water entered his mouth. It hurt, like a sickening weight in his body as he began to thrash, pain everywhere. He kept sinking, deeper and deeper till he could barely see - the moonlight a faint glimmer in an oblivion of darkness.

He felt at peace as he gulped down more water and closed his eyes.

Soon his head was light, and there was no conscious thought apart from I’m home, I’m home, I’m home.

There may have been soft hands tugging at his chest. And there may have been a tail curling around his legs like a memory long past.

But Alec registered none of it as his heart took its final beat.

There was such lightness in the world.

Everything was heavy and yet not. 

Who was he?

Where was he?

He opened his eyes. Above him were golden green eyes, slitted like a cat’s. They were beautiful.

Whoever that was, he was beautiful.

He was like home. Like peace.

Something below him flickered. He looked down with a smooth movement, and saw a tail swiping there. It was a patchy black and white, like an orca and he gasped softly when he saw it merge with his pale chest.

Somehow, he knew this was where he belonged.

He reached and touched rough gills at his neck, his hands all soft and smooth - but they felt like they should be rough and wrinkled and dry.

But they weren’t.

He felt strong.

He looked up at the man above him. His lips were stretched into a smile, his eyes glimmering.

He didn’t know why, but he reached and held the man’s cheek in his palm. The man nuzzled into it, and it felt like an awakening.

Memories of old, and memories of new. And they flashed through his mind in a sharp ache and suddenly everything was clear.

He grinned and leant upwards till his lips just grazed the other man’s.

“Magnus.” He said against his mouth like an oath, like a declaration.

Magnus wrapped a hand around his neck and pulled him against his chest, their tails playing around each other.

Magnus smiled brightly and fully, and it was perfect.

“Welcome home, Alexander.”

**Author's Note:**

> I cried writing this.
> 
> I love Mermay and this idea has been stuck in my head a lot. Please let me know if there are any mistakes, I have 0 betas.
> 
> Comment and kudos! Love you all ❤️


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